What does the phrase “Be there for yourself” mean to you?
So, everyone goes through things in life. Everyone faces difficulties, pain and sadness. Even if there is no objective measure to look at hardships, there is a better or worse way to deal with them.
More often than not, we fall into a vicious cycle of comparing who had it the worst. Is that our own way of acknowledging how we are feeling? Or is it a way that we give ourselves an excuse to complain?
To be there for yourself is to be the one who sets an example for you and offer yourself the help that is needed. You do that by being the one that takes the time to listen, understand and ration with your problems.
Easier said than done I know.
So let’s see how we can make it a tab easier!
Where to start:
What is the first step when you want to solve a problem?
Acknowledging that it exists should be a good starting point.
We are the ones that will always know best about how we are feeling. Nevertheless, sometimes we try to hide and run away from negative thoughts and emotions. We feel as if though we are chased after by them because we run and they are still there.
The problem is that your feelings and thoughts will never stop being there, it is not a matter of them leaving you alone. An unresolved problem will continue to be a problem until it is resolved. Instead of running away from the things that scare you, rationalize them.
Whether you think about them consciously or not, your head will not stop creating silly scenarios. That is happening because when you do not phase a problem head-on, you fail to understand it correctly. Scenarios of witches and goblins that seem out of a fairytale start to form as your imagination runs wild.
Acknowledge, accept, rationalize.
By not trying to escape and run away from how you feel, you save energy and you make it easier to deal with.
Almost funny how in tough times we can still find ourselves comparing to others.
Most of the time that kind of thinking is total nonsense. We struggle and we feel as if we shouldn’t because someone else did it better, faster or sooner than us. And what for?
How does that help in any way and what does that mean for you? Are you any less because you face a problem someone else did not have to? Or is it that because they do not go through that problem right now, they never had to?
If you find yourself trapped in a game of resemblance, do yourself a favour and stop.
You are you and nobody else. The choices you make and the goals you have will put you on a path. That path is specifically designed to turn you into the one that will be capable of conquering the goals you have set.
The journey will not always be easy, but nothing worth something ever is.
You go through your own journey and what others are doing with theirs has nothing to do with you.
3-A game of patience
Sometimes it is nothing more than a game of patience. Don’t be afraid to wait and give it time.
It is not always about action, sometimes it is about inaction. To better understand that concept, read about it on The Choice Paradox.
There are times that we simply go through a rough patch. It is not about something bad happening, it might just be that you have to go through a tough period of time. This is where to be there for yourself will be your most handy tool.
To be there for yourself sometimes is simply about giving yourself time. Time to process and adjust. Make it clear in your mind that tough times can never last forever. Even if it lasts longer than it should, you have the power to change that when the time is right and you are ready.
Remember there is no situation in life where we did not or do not have a say on. You have the power and no one can take that away from you.
4-Put your happiness first
Sounds egotistic? Then be egotistical!
How many times has someone else’s happiness seemed to take over yours?
If you have found yourself ever having to sacrifice your happiness for someone else, it’s time to leave.
You can never make someone happy when you are unhappy. It is like trying to save someone from drowning while you are also drowning. It just ain’t gonna work!
To really be happy with someone, be that a relationship, friendship or anything else, you both have to be happy. Save yourself first and then help the ones around you. Make the choices that are best for you, you cannot be with someone whose happiness is hindered by yours.
5-Internal release = External Peace
Have you ever seen someone lose it? I mean really lose it, screaming, yelling, smashing things. That’s nothing more than energy release.
Everything in our life is based on energy.
For this specific example, think of it as a pressure cooker. The pressure created inside helps the food cook faster, but at the same time, some of it is released little by little. The point of that is because if the pressure keeps on building and building, things tend to go boom!
We are something like a pressure cooker as well. We have emotions that help us live and plan our life the way that will be the best for us.
There are also some that are not as useful. We get angry, we feel sad and we feel scared. Sometimes we get hurt and feel betrayed, such feelings can be very difficult to deal with. By suppressing them, pressure builds up and is eventually forced to be released.
Accept those feelings instead. When you notice that one of those feelings are there, call it out. Tell yourself and admit how you feel. Be angry, be mad and be scared. Embrace the feeling and allow it to exist. Feel as much of it as possible and let it wear itself out.
You are only afraid of what you don’t know and understand.
If you are not kind, patient and understanding with yourself, how can you be with anyone else?
Be there for yourself just like you would with someone you love. Understand that it is ok to not always feel ok, give yourself time to rest and adjust.
Mistakes are done by those who are willing to try, instead of pointing fingers chuckle, learn from it and move on.
In a previous post about how to win in life, I have talked about the importance of the way that you speak to yourself. You are the first person that listens to whatever you say, make sure that you don’t talk down on yourself. Your thoughts will determine a very large part of who you are, make sure they are friendly.
Be There for Yourself: An irrefutable skill
Why is it such a big deal to be able to be there for yourself?
Because there is a difference between wanting and needing to be around the people in your life.
When you have yourself and you know that you can count on yourself when things get rough, when you value your happiness above all else, your decision making on choosing the people around you will change forever.
When you need someone, you are not after making choices that will make you happy, you are after covering a need. Such thinking will significantly compromise your standards and your expectations of them. When you need someone around you, you do not necessarily want them to be there as well.
When you are not afraid to be alone because you know you can be there for yourself, you do not make decisions based on need. You make decisions based on how much better they will make your life. And that is priceless!
What is it that matters most at the end of the day?
It is not about knowing that everything is going to be ok. It is about knowing that even if they don’t, you can handle it.
Knowing that you have you at all times and that you will go through anything that comes your way, is true strength. This is what will allow you to live in today happy instead of in fear of tomorrow.
When things get tough, live in the moment and embrace every minute. Know that you are not alone, what you need, you already have.