Learning how to be alone, might be the thing that makes the difference in your life.
This is and has been a rather interesting time for us all. Spending time away from family and friends, came in rather forcibly for most. But what if there is a way that you can be alone and enjoy it? I don’t know how many of you have looked into this before, but I am pretty sure that you have heard before that being alone and feeling lonely is not the same thing.
This is what this post is going to be about, how can you be alone without feeling lonely. The truth is that this is more of a skill, rather than anything else, as it is something you can train. A skill is something that you become better at over time and just like a skill, it is something that can benefit you in ways that you may have not thought of.
What being alone means
Being alone might mean something different for every one of us. It is not always about the physical state of not having someone around us, some times we feel lonely even when we are not physically all by ourselves. This is why loneliness and being alone can be two different things.
In order to look into some of the benefits of being as well as how to be alone, lets define what that means first.
Being alone is a time that you disconnect, there is no one around you and you are not looking to change that by connecting with other ways. It is a time that you are free to choose the way you are going to use your time and that on its own is carrying a big opportunity.
When you get that opportunity, do not try to connect with other ways. Social media can be so distracting when you are trying to avoid loneliness, it gives you the impression of connecting while you fail to connect with yourself.
Embrace the moment, become self-conscious in the way where you acknowledge yourself, you feel what you are feeling right now and you see where you are and what you are doing.
Why are people afraid of being alone?
What is it that scares us to be and stay alone for more than usual? What is it that urges us to stay connected through calls, meetups, talking or even check what is somebody else doing online?
Is it because of plain boredom? Or is it because we want to avoid looking into ourselves? Humans are definitely social animals and we need to socialize. But that does not make it ok to fear being alone.
Being comfortable when you are around no one but yourself, means being comfortable with yourself. It may sound simple but in some cases can be a little tricky.
Sometimes, it comes as a subconscious feeling to avoid alone time. That might be out of fear to look inside and discover who we are. If you have read my previous post about how to win in life, you know that fear is nothing else other than a lack of knowledge and understanding.
We fear, what we do not know and understand. It is normal then to avoid being alone out of fear of looking inside. A fear that is based on nothing else other than lack of understanding.
Everything around us is forcing our attention externally. News, social media, friends, work, education, it is rarely just about us.
We are constantly bombarded with information about others, information that can be collected even faster and become even more available to us by the day.
From the beginning of our lives, we need the approval of a teacher a tutor and a professor in order to progress. Never have we needed to look into ourselves and see how we are doing for ourselves. Am I doing well, am I happy? Am I doing what I want to be doing, or just something that will keep up to the expectations I have created for others about me?
It is common that we got pretty far in life and still have no clue about who we are. We reach a point where we have not had a look inside for so long, that we are petrified to even catch a glimpse.
But fear has a very short life span. Fear ends when you take the first step against the thing that you are afraid of.
“To me, fearless is not about the absence of fear. It is not about being completely unafraid. To me fearless is having fears. Having doubts. To me fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death” – Taylor Swift
What is the first step going to be for you?
Maybe alone time.
Discover your own company
What does discovering your own company is about?
It is about realizing just how much fun you can have by being on your own.
Being around people that you love and love you, is one of the key things to determine your success in life. The same thing goes about enjoying your own company.
Have you ever thought about how your ideal best friend would be like? You would probably have quite a few things in common. You would like the same movies, you would relax the same way, you would have similar tastes in food and music, maybe even have similar ways to blow off some steam and take a break.
That ideal friend exists and its you.
Maybe the next time you find yourself out of things to do and no one to do something with, turn to that inner best friend and listen. What was that thing you always wanted to do, what was that place you always wanted to visit, what was that part of the house that could use some extra love?
All those things you really want to do and think you need company to do it with, maybe try doing it alone. Discover just how much fun you can have on your own. Take advantage of the peace you have and look into yourself and find out more about how you feel, what you like and what you enjoy the most.
Why is that so important
Being alone and still being able to be happy is a major super power.
Just like I said above, being surrounded by people you love as much as they love you, is one of the ways to determine success in life. Equally important, is to have the ability to feel as comfortable alone, as you would with others.
Why is finding that confidence so important? Because you find your balance and create perspective.
Once you have mastered that skill, you have found your base. You now know how happy you can be on your own. Say that you measure your happiness in points from 0 being the lowest and 10 being the highest. After spending enough time alone and discovering all there is to discover about hanging out with you, you know what your “being alone score” is.
If you know that being alone you can have a 6 or 7 out of 10 happiness score, any time you are with someone, you are going to need that someone to get that score to go up.
Its simple math and this is a perspective that will get you re-evaluating your relationships critically.
If alone I feel 7/10(could be higher for you), then what is the point of hanging out with someone that makes me feel like 6/10?
It may sound simple, but that thought alone can have a profound effect on your life.
How to be alone and love it
You think there is not that much to do by yourself? I beg to differ.
There are equally as many things to do alone, as there are to do with others. Well except seesaw, but I guess you can live with that.
Think about all the things you enjoy, maybe even things that you always wanted to try. Here is a list of things that require no one else but you:
- Get creative, draw, sing, dance
- Just take a break and do a little nothing
- Read a book
- Go for a run on a different route
- Visit nature
- Go for a walk in a part of your city you want to explore
- Take cooking very seriously for the day and make a kick-ass meal
- Pastry, explore your taste buds
- Go to that place where you always loved the view and let your mind wander
- Take yourself out on a date
- Do yoga
- A Spa day?
- Redecorate a part of your house
- Take up gardening, make that balcony pop
There are also a few things to avoid while you are learning to be with yourself:
- Avoid social media
- Take a break from your phone
- No tv, but its ok to watch a movie every now and then
- Avoid unnecessary interactions, messages and calls
- Do not waste an opportunity to be on your own
- Do not spend the entire day on Netflix
Being alone is that time where you turn your attention to yourself. Take care of your health, treat yourself to something you enjoy. It is also the time for self-realization, embrace the fact that you are alone. See yourself, where and who you are, become self-conscious and embrace the opportunity to spend some time with you.
Do not be afraid
Probably the most difficult part of being alone.
For the most part, we do not even realize that we are afraid, all we do is simply avoid it.
Some times, we also avoid it because of silly reasons. Am I alone because I am not good enough to be with other people? Am I really that annoying to be around? Does nobody like me? You get it, even if you think that is silly, most of these thoughts come subconsciously. There are a lot of negative thoughts that you are going to pick up on when you are alone, your best defence is to notice them and acknowledge how truly silly they are.
It might be difficult at first, just like with anything new, there is going to be an awkward phase. Just as we mentioned earlier, it is important to not shy through to how you feel. Embrace it, look into yourself. Allow you to feel every little thing that is going on. Because feelings are energy.
If you do not allow a feeling to be, meaning to allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, fear, you are blocking the energy. You do not have to shy away from negative feelings and try to turn them into something better. Allow them to be, embrace them and like water, they will flow through you.
Everything that is great is great for a reason, it will require you to grow and become something better. Having the ability to stand tall even when alone, is a great thing.
A little bit of loneliness never killed anyone. All things aside it will take some time to feel comfortable alone with yourself. At this time, things might get a little lonely and that is ok.
I think it is an important part of everyone’s life to spend some time alone in order to discover themselves. You can take as much time as you want on that, I am pretty sure that in the end, you will see just how rewarding that can be.
If you have any Ideas for future posts or something you would like to get to know more about, make sure to leave a comment bellow.